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14 November 2012 @ 09:26 pm

^^ I really respect/admire/look up to Benedict because he truly loves what he does. He puts so much heart and passion into his roles and comes across as kind, intelligent, accessible, and *human* in each fan encounter/interview I've read. I love how he doesn't take himself too seriously (aka isn't afraid to look like a dork/nerd) and has his flaws -- for example, seen his fashion sense outside of formal events? sometimes...yikes -- because a lot of celebrities seem to do the exact opposite. They take themselves seriously and feel like they have to hide their flaws. 

Not to mention he's incredibly talented and very, very attractive...I mean his mouth, his eyes...even his hair...and of course the cheekbones. ha.

Okay, I'm done gushing :) 

I found this quote on Tumblr and wanted to make an artwork out of it because it's 100% true. I wrote it in cursive, outlined it, erased the cursive inside the lines, and went over the outline with black pen. Then I colored it with colored pencils. It's currently hanging on my bedroom wall beside my window so I can see it whenever I come into my room or get ready to go somewhere. 

I'm feeling...: creativecreative
17 October 2012 @ 11:46 pm
I'm needy, especially emotionally. I feel things very intensely. If I'm down, I'm very down. If I'm angry, I'm full-on pissed off. There really isn't any "medium" for me. I'm either okay, numb, or something intense. When I'm feeling something negative, I proverbially run to people I care about and expect them to talk me out of it. Or, if I'm alone, I retreat into my brain and hide. I bottle things up like it's going out of style. People have their own shit to deal with, they shouldn't have to deal with mine.

If, by some weird twist of fate, I fall in love with a man, it's going to be a hard fall. And it'll probably happen way too quickly.

I'm self-deprecating. I'm the last person to say something positive about myself. I've been around people who have huge egos, and I'm terrified of becoming that way. So, I go the polar opposite. I'm extremely hard on myself. Sometimes, I insult myself more times in one day than I care to admit. I'll deprive myself of things if I don't feel I deserve them. I beat myself up and put a shitload of pressure on myself. I wouldn't go as far as to say it's self-loathing, but still. 

I worry far too much for someone my age...I know I do have things to worry about, but these are little things that won't even matter in a year. I can't help it. 

I want to find someone, but how the hell they're going to put up with me and all of the issues/baggage I come with...that's the mystery.
I'm feeling...: depresseddepressed
26 September 2012 @ 11:47 pm
X-posted from my tumblr, language amended here.

I feel like I’m going nowhere. Everyone has something happening to them and I’m just like, “Waiting for the phone to ring! oh, it’s Tuesday or Thursday, going to the middle school, brb.” I know voluntarily helping the middle school woodwinds is a good career move. I know subbing is too. But it’s not really what I want. I don’t want to wonder if my phone is going to ring. I don’t want the disappointment when it doesn’t. I want to KNOW that I’m going to work. I want that solidarity. 

And let’s not even get started on love. But, of course, since I’m a fucking masochist, I will.

I have NOTHING positive to show. I just have two douches. Yes, my first was nice at first, but things went shit. Yes, I was young…we didn’t get into real “relationship” territory until I was in 9th grade. Still. There were suspicions that he cheated on me in the latter part of the thing, he lied to me, and he put me down. When we had an argument, he would call me fat. Things of that nature. It fucked with me. I fully blame what he said for my self-esteem issues. I was 14, 15 when he said it, so of course it stayed with me even though the relationship is long over.

My second one was perfectly sweet for the first month, then broke up with me via text. Out of nowhere. My friend told me that she overheard him saying that he wondered why he ever dated me. Then he got right back with his ex. So yeah, I haven’t had the best luck.

We won’t even talk about all of the unrequited crushes I’ve had on guys. Those are too many to list.

But I’m ready. I’m ready to find a NICE guy who won’t treat me like shit. I’m ready to find the guy who’ll love me and my quirks (obsession with British things much?) and flaws. But…WHERE THE HELL IS HE? Where is the man that I’ll have the honor of calling my husband someday? I know I’m shy and terribly awkward in social situations…and the thought of going over to a guy I find attractive scares the hell out of me…nor do I think guys will find me attractive and come over to me. It’s a lose-lose, really. I want it, but I’m afraid to go get it/think it won’t come to me.

In other words, I’m pretty much fucked.

I'm feeling...: depresseddepressed
13 September 2012 @ 12:03 pm
I've lost 20 pounds :D (9 kg for my European friends) 

This makes me happy. I still have a lot to lose, but I'm getting there! 
I'm feeling...: pleasedpleased
10 September 2012 @ 09:50 pm
from fbrobey :)

1.Your name:

2. All the places you’ve lived ("lived" being for more than 6 months.)
Boring little Paris, Tennessee...

3. Your first best friend
Sara back in third grade. I was eight years old.

4. Your childhood fears?
I dunno...

5. What you were like in high school?
Shy, quiet, fat, didn't have many friends, hardworking, bookworm, musical...basically I haven't changed.

6. Your favourite and least favourite subjects at school?
Favorites - English, Spanish, Modern History
Least favourite - PE/Wellness, any math I had to take.

7. Your first boyfriend or girlfriend
Alex. He's on the other side of the state, and I haven't spoken to him in years.

8. Your oldest hobby

9. Your sexuality

10. What you look for in a partner?
Loyalty/monogamy, intelligence, a sense of humor, compassion

11. Your kids, or your feelings about having kids?
I want kids. 2 or 3.

12. Your pets, past and present:
Too many cats in the past to name...
Present: Oreo, Bingo, and Bingo's kittens -- Sherlock, Inky, Lizzie, and Boots. (Sherlock is my favorite kitten)

13. Foods you love and foods you hate:
Love: Way too many.
Hate: Black-eyed peas, this salad my mom makes with dry ramen noodles and vinegar, turnip greens, sauerkraut

14. What your life was like ten years ago:
10 years ago, I was 13. I was starting my 8th grade year and the last year at my middle school. I had a boyfriend, was in band (clarinet) and orchestra (violin), loved to read, not very confident at all...etc. I mean, I was 13 for crying out loud.

15. How much alcohol you drink?
Not much. The most I've had is one drink with dinner, mostly b/c they're expensive at restaurants. 

16. Your worst illness?
I've had pneumonia...I think...

17. What you do at work?
I'm a substitute teacher until I can find a job teaching elementary music. 

18. A question or comment people should never make to you:
Insult my size. I know I'm big. I'm working on it. I'll never be a stick b/c 1. I'm too tall and 2. it's not in my genes.

19. The style of clothing you feel most comfortable in?
A nice top that has shape, shorts/jeans/capris/skort, cute shoes.

20. Whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert:

21. Who you have a crush on?
Celeb crushes -- Jonathan Mangum. He's been my celeb crush since IAG premiered over a year ago. Wow :) he's adorable, and the curls...and blue eyes...and he's funny!
Alan Davies - He's just adorable! And those curls...not to mention the comedy thing again.
Benedict Cumberbatch - The VOICE, holy smokes. And the eyes. And the cheekbones. And...yeah this might go on a while. Plus, he's talented and quite intelligent from what I've heard.

22. A friendship you lost?
A lot...we've just drifted apart.

23. Three achievements you’re proud of:
1. Getting my college diploma.

2. Losing weight.

3. All of the band things I've done -- there's a wall of plaques in my house.

24. Your political views?
I dunno. I just know things need to be fixed.

25. Your religious beliefs?
I'm a Christian, but I'm not one of those extremists. 

26. Your perfect night out?
Anywhere I can hang out with Jen.

27. Whether you like to plan ahead or be spontaneous
Plan ahead. I HATE doing things on the spur of the moment b/c I like knowing exactly what the plan is.

28. What you look for in a friend?
Things in common, a sense of humor since I tend to be quite serious, trustworthiness, loyalty, respect, things like that.

29. Whether you’re a night owl or a morning lark
Night owl.

30. How you would like people to remember you
Living my life to the full and making theirs a little bit better. << I like this.
I'm feeling...: hungryhungry
02 September 2012 @ 04:13 pm

This is my Sherlock :) one of Bingo's babies. I named him that because I've started watching the BBC's Sherlock (yay internet) and love it. and may or may not be somewhat attracted to Benedict Cumberbatch I mean those eyes and the cheekbones and that VOICE. oh and he's talented. and stuff.

23 August 2012 @ 10:55 am

Randomly, my crush/thing for Alan Davies returned...in a big way. 

I just...I don't even know why it came back b/c I haven't been watching QI (until now) or why whatever controls those sorts of things chose Alan instead of any of my other past celeb crushes. But it did, and it's back. 

I want series J now...
Where am I?: home
I'm feeling...: gigglyis as;ldkbjr; an emotion?
21 August 2012 @ 11:24 am
I made myself and Alan Davies as Sims...we have a daughter!

Meet Alana =]

Her name is Alana (aren't I original) and she has my hair color and Alan's green eyes. :) 
01 August 2012 @ 12:15 pm
I've lost 16.2 pounds :D I thought I would've gained some since I was at Jen's last week and didn't pay much attention to what I ate. But I've lost about .4 since my last weight-in.

I don't have a set weigh-in schedule...I probably should, but ah well. 

23 July 2012 @ 09:38 pm


I know it's only one word.

But it's the fact that 1. he actually READ my tweet and 2. liked it enough to REPLY.

Made my day :) I